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The Cream Cheese Epidemic in Germany
An essay about cream cheese exploitation in Germany
Flagrant misuse of cream cheese is common practice in Germany. It’s also what I’d come to identify as a public health problem for American expatriates living in the country. Unfortunately, many may not even realize the seriousness of this epidemic.
Let me provide an ordinary example of this former real-life expatriate’s experience of being manipulated (rather unsuccessfully) while confronting the issue of cream cheese exploitation in Germany. Take your seemingly unassuming tuna salad sandwich at an unnamed local sandwich restaurant in Frankfurt. You’d expect the basics, right: lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers or onions (pickles do not have a prominent seat in most sandwiches there).
But wait — that’s only if you weren’t paying attention to how most sandwiches are built in Germany. Right before that minuscule mound of tuna and “the basics” come together to form a sandwich the haughty sandwich artist will menacingly sneak a large scoop of cream cheese onto the piece of bread. And wham. Just like that. You’ve been duped by the German cream cheese man (or woman), the culprit behind every one of your food orders that are swimming in cream cheese.
Lethargy had taken me off my game on the Friday I ordered a tuna salad sandwich…
