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BEDRIDDEN LIFE
Some More Thoughts
Or Tweets, let’s be honest
I once received a $250 plant from a friend. A wealthy lawyer-turned-actor, he’d read my post on Facebook saying I was thinking of getting a plant for my bedroom, where I spend the majority of my time. So he secretly gifted me one, a Dracaena something or other — shipped from a warehouse out of state.
But it was in the middle of winter, and after a long shipping delay, it arrived wilted and dead.
Anticipating my replacement plant’s arrival, I’d preliminarily named it Orlando Bloom. But on delivery day, there was a mix-up and I received someone’s package of adult diapers instead. The experience made me want to poo-poo the idea of anything ever going smoothly again.
When I was a kid, my brother got into a fight one time with the neighborhood troublemaker, Michael Groves, in Mr. Nardella’s driveway. Mr. Nardella just stood there and watched it, cheering my brother on. Even at a young age, I thought, What an uncivilized animal. This isn’t the Karate Kid.
My cousin once dated the former professional baseball player Jose Canseco during his prime. He would pick her up in a limousine when he was in town for games and take her to the mall on shopping sprees. “I think he’s on steroids,” she told my sister. A married man at the…
