BEDRIDDEN LIFE
Killing Plants, Locked Out, Meatball Sub, etc.
Or Tweets, let’s be honest
My five-year-old son Charlie dumped two bottles of water on the small plant on my dresser, effectively killing it, while shouting, “I can do anything I want.” I couldn’t stop him because I was lying in bed, too fatigued, so I watched as he murdered the plant. Words didn’t matter, of course. He was intent on drowning it and doing whatever he wanted.
I’m not normally an enthusiastic receiver of gifts, but my kids really brought the heat on Father’s Day with a matching baseball cap and mug with the word “Papa” on them. (I go by the German name for Dad.)
The wife and kids are enjoying their time in Germany.
I have my mother staying with me. The other day, she hired a landscaper to do the mulch and shrubs as a surprise gift for my wife while they’re away. Outside talking to the landscaper, however, she somehow locked herself out of the house.
I had my loud AC blasting and was listening to a podcast as my mother banged on the door and rang the doorbell, which of course went unheard. Then I got a text from the neighbor saying, “Open the front door, please. Locked out!” I thought, That’s odd. Why would my neighbor be trying to get inside my house?
