It definitely seems like she might be struggling with some sort of mental illness. Even IF you were a bother to her, her behavior in retaliation is not really normal, considering she's doing it all the time.

I'd get one of those machine gun squirt guns and unload on her. Then when she calls the police, just deny it. Or maybe she gets violent and tries to attack you and and you deftly skirt out of the way and it is recordered on your new body cam, which you had shut off before using the squirt gun and then immediately turned back on.

Just trying to brainstorm here, Susan. You sound a lot like me. I've always had strange, crazy things like that happening to me.

In all seriousness, be careful, please. She sounds very unhinged.