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Foreign Turkey
Who said it can’t be done? Even in the Land of Poets and Thinkers, without Mama’s home-cooked stuffing and your fellow turkey lovers (Americans) sharing in the holiday celebration — a glorious Thanksgiving is not a far-fetched ideal, it’s an expatriate’s moral obligation, that, if crafted the right way, could potentially blow your socks off.
The first thing you’ll need in order to embark on an overseas Thanksgiving undertaking is a fearless, determined attitude. Without it, you’ll likely fall face-first into a pumpkin pie of pity.
Ingredients
1 dollop of courage
2 cups of turkey fanaticism
3 teaspoons of sassiness
¾ tablespoon of egotism
1 frozen foreign bird (to be cooked in, e.g., a German oven)
4 pounds of potatoes
3 pounds of baby carrots
2 packages of frozen green beans
3 cans of corn
a cranberry sauce substitute — e.g., 1 glass of Preiselbeersauce
1 jar of applesauce
2 pounds of large mushrooms
1 package of spinach
1 stick of pepperoni
½ cup of sharp cheddar cheese
1–2 packages of brown gravy mix
stuffing from scratch recipe
2 bottles of red wine
1 bottle of white wine
dinner guests
an unidentifiable dessert or two from one of your guests and a stress test administered by a mental health professional
Directions
After you’ve scoured the Internet for any restaurants offering a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and called to verify the legitimacy of their claims and inquire about their prices, you can rest on your laurels, as you’ve likely exhausted every possible option for dining out; for the prices are off the charts at the only two participating joints and you’re scared to death of those European portion sizes that could potentially negate the whole concept of a Turkey Day dinner. The inevitable…
