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LETTERS
Dear Jasmine, I’m Sorry About Dangling from The Sydney Harbor Bridge
My letter to Jasmine in Sydney, Australia
Dearest Jasmine,
Today I am wearing my favorite orange sweater my mom made me with the big yellow lightning bolt across it, writing to you from Au Jean Pi Pon cafe in Paris. I’m with my beloved Terry, who can be a real firecracker when he’s out in public.
We’re sitting here having coffee and eating some Baba au Rhum and listening to Rameau play overhead and I was thinking of you and I just wanted to say I’m sorry I — “Oh, Goddammit, Terry. What are you doing? Get off your knee, please. We’re married already.”
I’m so sorry, Jasmine. Where was I?
Oh, right — so I never meant to startle you like that. I was only dangling from the Sydney Harbor Bridge as a schtick. I know your job at the Apple Store is already loaded with enough stress. Which reminds me, I’m having a dreadful time with my refurbished iPhone 12. It keeps freezing up on me. Sometimes I’ll let Terry use it and he’ll go on these erotic websites for married cat sitters. Do you think Andy at the store can set me up with a new one? I’d be eternally grateful.
You know, I never intended to embarrass you like I did, Jasmine, and, well, that…
